The First of Many Death Eater Recruitment Sessions
by iviscrit
Summary: Voldemort has an odd method of recruitment... he gains new members through song? For KatherineNotGreat. Humor. Please read and review!


For KatherineNotGreat. Also, all credit for Mary Poppins song lyrics references goes to my big sister, who is much better at parodies than I.

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_1950_  
"But," Rosier said reluctantly, "why would we want to join the Death Eaters?"

"I'm so glad that you asked," Lord Voldemort said. Standing, the young dark lord brushed off his suit, and frowned in thought as he worked his way back into into the Cockney accent he had shed years ago. "Now, gents," he said, a mischievous grin in place, "try and follow along."

"Why are you talking like-"

"When I was a younger bloke, still completin' my learnin' from 'ogwarts-"

"Does this story have a point?" Dolohov muttered.

"Just ye /waite/, Mr. Dolohov, just ye /waite/," Voldemort said with a frown. "Now then. I discovered somethin' mos'... remarkable in the 'istory of Slytherin 'ouse. An' it led me to my purpose: to create a group to rid our world of muggles and muggleborns. The wizardin' bloodlines must be pure, and 'ere's 'ow we do it."

"But why the Cockney accent?" Malfoy frowned.

"Did I _aks_ ye to talk, Mister Malfoy?" Voldemort snapped. "I believe I did _not_."

The men exchanged looks.

"Now, a Death Eater's lucky as lucky can be," he began again. "Nowhere is there a more 'appier crew... than them wot kills muggles, and muggleborns too."

"Why.. why is he rhyming...?"

"I'm not sure..."

"Up where the Dark Mark sparks biller and curl," Voldemort said, including dramatic gestures, "from our skull symbol's mouth, a serpent unfurls."

"Why do we send up the dark mark again?" Rosier asked. "I get that it's our logo, but why do we put it up again?"

"To let 'em know we've done a job," Voldemort snapped. "Stop with yer bloody interruptions, can ye?"

"Sorry," Rosier said, abashed.

"My name will be feared nationwide," Voldemort said grandly. "Good luck will rub off when ye serves You Know Who."

"Or get the Dark Mark! And that's lucky too!" Dolohov burst out, his face falling when Voldemort turned on him. "Sorry... got caught up in the moment."

"No, tha's fine," Voldemort said encouragingly. "Now, all together! Nowhere is there a more 'appier crew..."

"Than them what kills muggles, and muggleborns too!"

"_Now_ yeh've got it, mates!" Voldemort exclaimed. "Are there any more questions?" he added, returning to his crisp London accent.

"Yes," Rosier said. "What do we _do_?"

"We kill muggles, muggleborns, and half-bloods we don't like to preserve pure wizard blood. Ultimately we'll take over the Ministry and have a Third Reich -or a dictatorship, since I doubt you know your muggle history- and we'll rule the UK through propaganda and corruption."

"Got it."

"Also, membership requires that I brand you with the dark mark, that you fire it into the sky when you finish a job, and that you pay me a modest and or inordinate sum of money to seal the deal."

"We pay you to permanently disfigure us?" Nott frowned.

"You pay me to gain access to my knowledge, power, and ultimate influence," Voldemort said, running a hand through his dark hair, "and so I don't do _this_-" and he used the cruciatus curse on Nott with no more thought than if he had said 'hello.'

There was a good deal of commotion as the pureblooded elite of the wizarding world rose to pledge themselves to the aspiring young dark lord.

"One last question," Rosier said. "Why was the accent necessary? You got the point across better with that brief explanation... and display."

"Because," Voldemort said, eyes flashing scarlet and a cold smile tugging at his lips, "Lord Voldemort always likes to make a big impression." He paused. "And speak in third person."

"Consider it a successful marketing strategy," Malfoy said, shaking his hand. "Congratulations on the new members."

Voldemort grinned cruelly. "Just ye _waite_, Dumbledore. Just ye _waite_."

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**A/N: Kate, hope you loved! Allllllll for you. I apologize for how late it is, but inspiration just wouldn't come. :P Review, the lot of you!**


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